After this Saturday, there will be a different kind of animal rescue. For those who have planned ahead.
Once again, Judgment Day will be here according to some Christian religions. May 21, 2011 will be the Rapture. The day when all souls that have accepted Jesus Christ as their savior will ascend into Heaven to be with God, kicking off The End of the World.
In one chaotic moment, millions people around the world suddenly disappear leaving their clothes, wedding rings, eye glasses and shoes in crumpled piles. Mass confusion hits while vehicles suddenly unmanned veer out of control crashing into anything. Fires erupt, planes crash, and hysteria breaks out as the living stare in disbelief at the empty places where friends, family, and neighbors were just seconds before. In addition to the billions, and billions of worn clothes, assorted accessories, wallets, shopping bags, Starbucks coffee cups, and cell phones strewn about…pets will be left alone waiting for their now angelic humans to come home. With all this confusion and mayhem, is there anyone out there going to take care of the animals left behind?
Apparently so. Heathens have stepped up to the task of rescuing and taking care of the pets left behind from the Christians that have raptured into Heaven. For a fee.
Here at Eternal Earth-Bound Pets.com (EE-BP), they sell 10-year contracts to protect pets from “a slow death by starvation in the event that you get raptured”. They have employed dozens of well-intentioned rescuers that have all passed criminal-background checks and who have agreed to retrieve the pets within 24 hours of the Rapture to keep them as their own family members. EE-BP is currently active in 26 states – Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan, Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, West Virginia, Colorado, Oklahoma, Kansas, Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, North Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Illinois, and Iowa.
One pet per rescue address costs $135.00. Each additional pet at the same address costs $20.00. And NO REFUNDS. I got a kick out of their Terms and Conditions.
If subscriber loses his/her faith and/or the Rapture occurs and subscriber is not Raptured (aka is “left behind”) EE-BP disclaims any liability; no refund will be tendered.
So don’t plan on backsliding during your 10-year contract. ‘Cause if you’re not 
sucked up to the Pearly Gates, the contract is null and void.
A little more economical is After The Rapture Pet Care. Costs are only $10 for a lifetime membership. You can register all your pets and you will never pay another dime – AND – your information is kept secure (never ever shared with anyone outside our organization), and you have peace of mind. They even went so far as to ensure their database servers remain secure and catastrophe free away from military zones and hot spots.
In addition to being fed, it looks like none of your pets will ever get lost in cyberspace.
And both sites offer their *Gear* for sale. Yep, t-shirts, mugs, sweatshirts, tote bags, and pet food bowls.
There is even a post-rapture service available in the UK. Post Rapture Pet Care. They offer no slick website formatting, no Gear for sale, no promises of secure database servers, or carefully screened volunteers. For a small donation of £69.99 pounds, they will make sure your pets are well fed and taken care of long after you and your family have been taken up.
And here is the best of the best of the best in Post Rapture Pet Care advertising.
Your Pets Will Not Be Flagged For Removal By Jesus During the Rapture
Craigslist, naturally.
I hate to break this to them all, but, all dogs go to heaven. Maybe I should move the For The Love of the Dog Facebook Saturday Night Special to this Friday night. You know, like, just in case.
It looks like believers have been packing and unpacking for centuries. Check out this site, THE END OF THE WORLD!!!, for some predicted dates of The Rapture.
This post is great!! My boyfriend worked with a guy who quit his job last week because he wanted to enjoy his last week on earth before he was beamed up!! Classic.
I am hoping at least Vick drops dead this day
And his buddies with him.
KOO KOO!! Come on!! Especially like the part that says NO REFUNDS!!! Any one who would fall for this deserves to get "beamed up"…by the way…how will these people be chosen to stay behind to garther / care for our pets? Hope no one is actually dumb enough to fall for this SCAM!!!
According to the scriptures, Mark 3:29, those who blaspheme are not God's chosen to be raptured. There are millions of blasphemers and idolotors out there. But I can only speak for myself.
WHAT???? No California based office??? Whatever will happen to my Sage, Sugar, and Justine??? HELP!!
No refunds….that's hysterical!
FYI…If all "Dogs Go To Heaven", and if God forgives all, and Vick happens to go to Heaven as well, will he be absolutely terrified and rather go the other way???
Well folks…here has always been my take on the world ending (like those mentioned in this blog will survive…NOT). Grief is such a horribly, painful thing to go through and with EVERYONE being abolished on earth, no one will be left behind to suffer that horrible pain. There you have it!
Thanks for bringing this to light Andrea. I will give them a shout out right now and make reservations for my furbaby's…..LOL
I'm sure we can dig up a few sinners in California. How 'bout Arnold?
And Arnold truly does love dogs.
Oh Boy…you got that right Andrea. Arnold's a shoe in!!!!
They need to go back and read where the Bible clearly says that the rapture isn't something that can be predicted, that no man will know the day or hour. People have indeed been trying to predict for centuries but they will always fail.
Hard to believe anyone still takes this stuff seriously. Any god that would let all the dogs starve to death would be unworthy of my respect, let alone worship, anyway.
OMG, sign me up. LOL NOT!! I can't believe anyone would fall for this scam. All DOGS go to heaven anyhow and if I have to go, my two little babies will be there waiting for me or I'll wait for them.. Whichever comes first. This is just too funny for words.
I got my chuckle for the day. Thanks for that.
Only in America……… I needed a good laugh today, thanks. I do feel somewhat sorry though for the concerned pet owners who fall for this. While not too smart they are still good at heart.
Oh dear another doomsday. Well not to put to fine a point on it but If I am heaven bound my four sighthounds are even more so. Two come from a traumatic past two were unwanted and well as a christian I suppose if we are to go we go together it seems to me that someone is exploiting rather naive people make them part with their money for services that will never be needed.I just wonder when people are going to wake up and learn to think before they act. I would think that if God and jesus intended for us to go our fourlegged family would follow us as they are the true humbel and innocent from this earth.No loving god will leave the faithful behind wether they are humans or dogs or indeed any other living soul from this earth.
Well I look at it all this way, all the pets will be the ones to get taken in the rapture & all humans will be left on earth!!!
Animals are so pure in heart where humans are NOT! Personally, I've lived long enough to see quite a few of these "the world is coming to an end today" crap. Every 1 of them have all been bullsh!t.
It's 7:50 pm Eastern Daylight Time. Everyone still here?????
Hi Andrea. 10:25 here on the West coast. Still here in California! The earthquake capital of the world! Especially here in my town….we have a HUGE fault running right through our town. In fact it's a tourist attraction here. Yup….we're still here! Glad to know your okay where you are…..hugs to you. Hope everyone else out there is alright….
We are however, quite worried about our horses out here with that virus going around. Very, very scary!