After this Saturday, there will be a different kind of animal rescue.  For those who have planned ahead.

Once again, Judgment Day will be here according to some Christian religions.  May 21, 2011 will be the Rapture.  The day when all souls that have accepted Jesus Christ as their savior will ascend into Heaven to be with God, kicking off The End of the World.

In one chaotic moment, millions people around the world suddenly disappear leaving their clothes, wedding rings, eye glasses and shoes in crumpled piles. Mass confusion hits while vehicles suddenly unmanned veer out of control crashing into anything.  Fires erupt, planes crash, and hysteria breaks out as the living stare in disbelief at the empty places where friends, family, and neighbors were just seconds before.   In addition to the billions, and billions of worn clothes, assorted accessories, wallets, shopping bags, Starbucks coffee cups, and cell phones strewn about…pets will be left alone waiting for their now angelic humans to come home.   With all this confusion and mayhem, is there anyone out there going to take care of the animals left behind?

Apparently so.  Heathens have stepped up to the task of rescuing and taking care of the pets left behind from the Christians that have raptured into Heaven.  For a fee.

Here at Eternal Earth-Bound Pets.com (EE-BP), they sell 10-year contracts to protect pets from “a slow death by starvation in the event that you get raptured”.  They have employed dozens of well-intentioned rescuers that have all passed criminal-background checks and who have agreed to retrieve the pets within 24 hours of the Rapture to keep them as their own family members.   EE-BP is currently active in 26 states – Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan, Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, West Virginia,  Colorado, Oklahoma, Kansas, Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, North Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Illinois, and Iowa.

One pet per rescue address costs $135.00.  Each additional pet at the same address costs $20.00.  And NO REFUNDS.   I got a kick out of their Terms and Conditions.

If subscriber loses his/her faith and/or the Rapture occurs and subscriber is not Raptured (aka  is “left behind”) EE-BP disclaims any liability; no refund will be tendered.

So don’t plan on backsliding during your 10-year contract.  ‘Cause if you’re not sucked up to the Pearly Gates, the contract is null and void.

A little more economical is After The Rapture Pet Care.  Costs are only $10 for a lifetime membership.  You can register all your pets and you will never pay another dime – AND – your information is kept secure (never ever shared with anyone outside our organization), and you have peace of mind.  They even went so far as to ensure their database servers remain secure and catastrophe free away from military zones and hot spots.

In addition to being fed, it looks like none of your pets will ever get lost in cyberspace.

And both sites offer their *Gear* for sale.  Yep, t-shirts, mugs, sweatshirts, tote bags, and pet food bowls.

There is even a post-rapture service available in the UK.  Post Rapture Pet Care.  They offer no slick website formatting, no Gear for sale, no promises of secure database servers, or carefully screened volunteers.  For a small donation of £69.99 pounds, they will make sure your pets are well fed and taken care of long after you and your family have been taken up.

And here is the best of the best of the best in Post Rapture Pet Care advertising.

Your Pets Will Not Be Flagged For Removal By Jesus During the Rapture

Craigslist, naturally.

I hate to break this to them all, but, all dogs go to heaven.  Maybe I should move the For The Love of the Dog Facebook Saturday Night Special to this Friday night.  You know, like, just in case.

It looks like believers have been packing and unpacking for centuries.  Check out this site, THE END OF THE WORLD!!!, for some predicted dates of The Rapture.

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