A Dog’s Christmas Promise
Christmas is for humans, and I will not ruin the
surprises by opening all their presents.
Christmas light bulbs, Christmas ornaments, Christmas
stockings, and tinsel from the Christmas tree are not food.
I am the alpha dog, therefore I do not need to protect
my new Christmas rawhide from the omega dog by
taking it outside to eat when the wind chill is -10 F.
I will not demolish the Christmas tree and drag the
string of lights out into the backyard through the doggy door.
I will not dive into the Christmas tree to get the
candy canes (which I will eat — paper and all).
I will not eat my Christmas doggie treats until after
they’re out of the stocking!
I will not even THINK about going underneath the
Christmas tree and piddling on the dining room rug.
I will not get into a fight with the bigger dog next
door, making my human have to call the vet’s at Christmas.
I will not get tangled up in the Christmas tree lights
and pull the tree down while trying to get at a cat
through the conservatory window.
I will not pee on Grandma’s Christmas presents that
are under her tree as soon as we enter her house.
I will not pee on the Christmas tree.
I will not steal the neighbor’s Christmas light bulbs.
The bowl underneath the Christmas tree is not a dog
dish. I will not drink from it. It will make me sick.
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