Doris Dog – Miscreant Extraordinarie
Every now and then you hear about a dog that gets into the kind of trouble so often that turns it into a comedy. Came across just one of those dog stories today and all I could do was laugh! It’s so easy to picture!
So thanks Janie McDowell for sharing your Doris Dog with us!
The adventures of Doris Dog
By Janie McDowell
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
It reminded me of the Bumpusâ€™ dogs in the movie â€œChristmas Story.â€ The time the neighborâ€™s dog broke down the back door of the house, dashed into the kitchen, grabbed the baked turkey on the kitchen table and ran out of the front door with it.
Only, instead of turkey at my house, it was a frozen chicken I had put on the drain board to thaw out.
While it was thawing, I got sidetracked reading my e-mail and, when I went back to the kitchen, there was Doris Dog crouching on the floor, the frozen chicken between her paws, giving me and the other eight dogs the evil eye. Slowly, â€œweâ€ moved in for the attack.
Suddenly, I lunged, grabbed the chicken out of Doris Dogâ€™s mouth. But before I could get away, Watson grabbed the chicken between his teeth and took off like a streak of greased lightning, with me closing in from behind.
Luckily, the front and back doors were closed and, after a couple of sprints through the house, I snatched the chicken from out of his mouth. By this time, the chicken was slimy with dog drool. So I plopped it into a pot of boiling water. That night, everyone complimented me on my chicken soup and said it was â€œfinger-lickinâ€™â€ good. I just smiled and never mentioned the doggie slobbers. After all, boiling anything for 10 minutes kills doggie germs.
Now, you would have thought I had learned my lesson weeks after Doris Dog dragged my hot baked meat loaf off the drain board onto the floor. But I didnâ€™t learn the lesson, and a week later, she stole a whole devilâ€™s cake!
So when my daughter calmly informed me that Doris Dog had pulled the bowl of spaghetti sauce onto the floor and was licking it up, I could have spit! I stormed out onto the kitchen waving my arms and yelling, â€œGet out of here! Bad dog, bad dog.â€ But it was too late. She had licked the platter clean. â€œThat was our supper,â€ I wailed.
When I told my daughter she could have the plate of spaghetti in the microwave that I had fixed for myself, I was playing martyr. It was a â€œmother thing.â€ But instead of being humble and grateful, Bright said, â€œWhat did you do, scrape the sauce off the floor?â€
â€œNo!â€ I yelled, â€œI fixed my plate before Doris Dog knocked the sauce on the floor. And stop looking a gift mom in the mouth. Here I am, willing to sacrifice my dinner for you â€™cause itâ€™s my fault!â€ And it was, and hopefully, I will have learned the lesson never to leave food teetering on the edge of the drain board for Doris to get.
To be honest, my daughterâ€™s accusation wasnâ€™t far from wrong. She knows it would be like me to scrape the spaghetti sauce off the floor and recycle it without my family ever knowing. After all, it wasnâ€™t me who taught them to wash their hands before eating. I donâ€™t have a clue where they acquired such La-T-Dah habits. It must be in the genes on her dadâ€™s side of the family.
Every day, I allow nine dogs to get up on my bed while I eat lunch and watch â€œNorthern Exposureâ€ re-runs. Itâ€™s considered an honor because they know Iâ€™ll share my buttered toast with them. But one day, Doris Dog wanted more.
This day, I was exceptionally hungry and had just started to eat my feta cheese omelet, string beans and apple sauce when the phone rang. I got up and went into my office to answer it and put my plate of food up high where I thought the dogs couldnâ€™t reach it. But, lo and behold, when I came back, my lunch was gone, the plate licked clean by none other than Doris Dog. If youâ€™ve never seen a grown woman cry, this was the day. Well, I almost did! Although I thought I had learned my lesson since the â€œchicken lickinâ€™â€ day, I hadnâ€™t, and it would more than likely happen again. And it did! A month later, Doris Dog took a loaf of French bread off the drain board and ate the whole thing.
Do you have a ‘Doris Dog’ in your life?Â I’d love to hear your stories!!
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