BrutiHi fellow pups, Bruti here with a bit of advise! Mom says I am basically a pretty good dog but there are certain things I really should remember so I thought I’d make a list and share it with all you fellow pups out there to help you out. So here’s the list of things mom wants me to remember!

Things I Must Remember
by Bruti

  • I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
  • The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. (looks like it to me!)
  • I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.
  • I will scoot my bottom on the grass to rid myself of hangers-on. (hmmm… guess carpet scooting isn’t a good thing then? )
  • I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. (but it’s so much fun to see mom or dad trying to get them out!)
  • I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
  • I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.
  • I will not roll my head around in other animals’ poop.
  • I will not eat the cats’ food, before or after they eat it. (why not?)
  • I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
  • I will not throw up in the car.
  • I will not roll on dead birds, seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
  • I will not lick my human’s face after eating animal poop. (I don’t get this one!?)
  • “Kitty box crunchies” are not food. (only if you’re not a connoisseur)
  • I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing. (well, what goes in must come out, right?)
  • The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. (ok, no diaper pail here but I heard mom say something about this to a friend and thought it would be a good one to mention)
  • I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end. (but it works so well!)
  • I will not chew my human’s toothbrush and not tell them.
  • I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
  • When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it’s raining outside.
  • We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
  • I will not steal my Mom’s underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
  • The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad’s laps.
  • My head does not belong in the refrigerator, dishwasher or trashcan.
  • I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mom’s driver’s license and car registration. (but it’s mom’s and he’s taking it! Grrrrrr! )
  • I will not spend more than 5 minutes trying to find the “perfect” place to poop.
  • I will not eat other animals’ poop. (why not?)
  • I will not take off while on leash to chase squirrels while Mommy is standing on a slippery grass slope. (ok, I’ll try not to comment how hysterically funny it is to watch her slip and slide and roll then!)
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