Dog ShowAngulation
Degree to which dog handlers will bend over backwards to impress judges.

Balance
(a) How to arrange the checkbook so your husband won’t know how much money you spent on dog shows last month. Usually done in the bathroom with the door locked;
(b) Ability to hold coffee, danish, leash, treats and entry form all at once.

Bitch
(a) Name for a lady dog;
(b) Name often heard at dog shows, not always to describe a lady dog.

Blind Retrieve
When you can’t see the toy under the furniture.

CGC
Canine Gastrointestinal Catastrophe {aka GAS}

Coat
The hairy covering of a dog that usually falls out about one week before the Specialty show.

Crabbing
What you do when the judge doesn’t like way your dog moves.

Dam
(a) lady dog with children;
(b) expression frequently overheard at dog shows as losers leave the ring.

Distemper
Shown by those hot-headed competitors.

Dog
To chase a judge from show to show in an effort to attain more breed wins.

Double Bind
Finding two toys under the furniture.

Elbow
Method of getting to ringside when late.

Expression
“Sweet” look adopted by dogs while constaring ravenously at chunks of liver.

Fancier
Degree to which some gentlemen handlers dress more than others.

Feathering
What winners are accused of doing to judges’ nests.

FlyBall-Neutering.

Force Fetch
Dog drops the toy under furniture, scratches at the carpet until you’re forced to “fetch” it.

Front
Part of the dog often stacked toward the outside of the ring.

Guard Hair
An activity in which one watches intently as the dog’s hair falls out, in clumps, just after entries are mailed.

Heel
(a) what you feel like when your dog beats the one you had just sold to an eager novice;
(b) expression often screamed to attract the attention of deaf dogs.

Height
As in “Maximum Allowed,” a measurement which all champions fall under by AT LEAST 1/8 of an inch.

Hock
A way of financing your dog shows by the use of jewelry such as wedding rings.

Kennel
Where you go when the kids fight and your husband yells at you.

Litter
Trash left all over the building and parking lot after a dog show.

Mask
What to wear when you have to show the pet you sold six months ago.

Multi
Generational Pedigree-Something you should have read first.

Muzzle
What to put on your kids at a dog show to prevent them from calling your competition what they overheard you call him last night.

Noseprints
Cute marks left all over your French doors.

Outcrossing
What your husband tells the minister you are doing out in the kennel with the dog and the bitch.

Overshot
Running so fast as to pass the 1st place ring marker and plow into the judge and the stewards.

Pedigree
Dog food with lots of great coupons.

Points
Minute, invisible awards for winning which you cannot convince your spouse are more important than cash prizes.

Puppies
Small, dog like food-processing machines with the ability to stink up an entire house and collectively deafen band of magpies. (These creatures have not yet been perfected, as they come with leaky systems, and can also be dangerous to weak hearts and bank accounts.)

Qualifying Score
Justifying the 170.5 you got in obedience today.

Ribbons
What you want to cut the other exhibitors into, after their pet wins.

Specialty
Whatever your dog is good at, like bringing home dead cats or chewing on walls.

Type
What your dog has… if you turn down the lights and squint a little.

Utility
The kind of vehicle you need to haul around your dogs.

Be Sociable, Share!
Email This Post Email This Post

Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!